Do you know what's super-obnoxious?
How my relationships can be so dysfunctional when, by today's standards, I've led a normal life.
I'm not really sure where got this whole 'slhljfhgpleasedon'tleave' thing but I am not a big fan...
How can someone be so indifferent to themselves? Like 'MISTREAT ME IT'S OKAY JUST DON'T LEAVE DDD:'
I'm pretty...sure there's something wrong with that. I don't know where I got that mentality but it had reared it's ugly head a few times in the past years and it is not a healthy, productive thing.
Thang*. My bad.

Okay. I get it. The relationship was for 3 years and a person can't get over it in just a month and be expected to be entirely normal but I'm really sick of thinking about it and whining about him like 'waaaaahhh i mizz him' and other things.
I like to think of myself as normal D: at least a little.
I want to move on, can all this stuff just go away please...

Sorry. Done.
How creativity has been stifled. I'm not...too happy...
I've written things but they're not particularly good or meaningful. You know when you analyze poetry in class and even in the strangest metaphors there's meaning? Yeah, mine just seem to be lying there for show. They may sound nice and like they mean something, but upon close inspection they don't. There is no faking in poetry.
It's like a sculptor putting a penis on a guy's chest. Someone thinks it has significance but the sculptor was just trying to be edgy.
I don't know how this is anything like a sculptor putting a penis on a guy's chest SEE I TALK JUST TO TALK. It all comes full circle.
I wish I could be like TS Eliot D:

Anyway I'm really not this unpleasant. For some reason when I come on my journals I feel like I have to be serious and professional.
Straaaaaangeee.
I've been getting better. There's lots of hope and the future is looking better and better. College isn't as scary of a thought and moving sounds kind of exciting. It really is assured that I could never fall back in love with him again after what he did to me so I have no motivation to fall back, only to go forward. And I officially only have 12 pounds left to lose WHICH MEANS I am the skinniest I have been in almost 8 years. Getting to my goal doesn't seem to daunting now that I only have about ten pounds left when four years ago I had about seventy.
So things are good and I am content. I'm very tired so I'm going to go to sleep.
I hope my creativity will come back!